I’ve been thinking a lot about fear and courage lately. What a mixed up little codependent pair. Always at odds with each other and at odds with me.
If you split me in two, half of me would be socially distancing 6ft from confrontation while the other half would be hands in the air, leading the fight for equity and justice. I could never put the two together. Always making decisions based on one side while feeling guilt and shame from the other.
When I realized that courage is not the absence of fear, but feeling the fear and still choosing to act, it healed something in me. It reconciled the breakdown of my halves into one. I could finally see how one side could help the other. They are not codependent; they are interdependent.
As I come to terms with this identity, I can’t but wonder what this means for how I see myself, what my relationship with family and friends will now look like, and how the identity of the Solutionary School will evolve. A seismic shift is happening under my feet. It’s scary, it’s unnerving, but it’s also liberating and exciting.
I am grateful for my fear and courage. I appreciate its strength and its vulnerability. It’s teaching me how to be brave.
Instead of asking, what I am I willing to lose in order to stand up for what is right, I am choosing to ask, what am I willing to gain?
What does that future look like? What space will open up? Who will be standing next to me? I can’t wait to find out.
So what fears am I willing to face in order to find courage? Every freaking one.